Happy Birthday, Dad

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This article has been on my mind since 2:00 the morning of February 12. This day has been on my mind since then, really. Every single one of these milestones haunt me. I know they’re approaching, and I know you should be here to enjoy them with me. But you aren’t, and that still hurts.

Every single holiday and national whatever day feel different. You aren’t here, and that makes them less important to me. My birthday came and went, but all I could think about was you. I just kept wanting to call you, but I knew you’d never pick up. You still haven’t read the last message I sent you, and our conversation history on Facebook messenger has just been buried beneath all the other conversations I’ve had over the years.

I’ve kept myself together over the last year as best I can. I’m back in college (shoutout SNHU) and I’m currently working my dream job. And it’s been great. I’m seeing my articles perform well in Google searches. People are messaging me about something they read in one of my pieces. Hell, some of my articles are being syndicated to other news sites. It’s surreal.

Amy and Greg are doing okay. They’ve helped me a lot these last several months. I wouldn’t be where I’m at right now if they hadn’t been there for me. I’ll probably never be able to thank them properly for everything they’ve done. I try to help them out when I can. One day I’ll make sure they never have to worry about anything again.

Dakota is in college now. He’s wrestling for Alma. I haven’t seen him since his graduation party, but you know he’s a good kid. He’s going to do amazing things in life. I know if you were here you’d never stop gushing with pride. I still remember you bursting into my room after seeing him play football on Bally Sports Detroit last year. If only you could see him now.

Katie is a mother now. She gave birth to a baby boy last month. I know I would’ve ragged on you for being a great uncle and how old that makes you now. And I know you would’ve given that back in stride. But I also know how proud you would have been of her and how much you would’ve loved to have been in that little boy’s life. I just wish you were here to see this for yourself.

My trip with Brian in Detroit was a lot of fun. I wish I could’ve called you while I was there, just to let you know how things were going. I know you would’ve done your damnedest to point us out on the TV during the two Red Wings games we attended. We visited a bunch of nice places around Southeastern Michigan too. It was a really fun time.

It was so much fun that we’re doing another trip. In April, Brian and I are going to Canada with Kaleb and potentially Ryan. A true Boys Club international experience. We have a few things planned, but I’m really excited to see the Hockey Hall of Fame in Toronto. I can get a picture with the Stanley Cup. I’m sitting here imagining your reaction to that news, and it puts a smile on my face.

I can’t say enough about those guys, man. I just want you to know that they’ve had my back in this near-year you’ve been gone. You might have thought these were my internet friends who gave you shit because we disagreed politically. But these guys: Brian, Ryan, Kaleb, and Elsio, well and truly care. They are my guys for life, and I wouldn’t be doing nearly as well as I am if I didn’t have them backing me similarly to how you always backed me up.

Happy birthday, Dad. It’s not the same without you here. Life in general is not the same without you here. We all miss you so much, and I cannot express that enough. I wanted to leave a note from someone special as well, because I am not the only one who lost my father. So here it is, with no alterations other than being italicized.

From my Uncle Matt, my Dad’s brother: doesn’t seem that long ago I received the dreaded call that you were gone, still unimaginable that your not here for one of our usual video game messages or game suggestions to check out. Wish you were able to meet your great nephew Aj, yup another junior in the family, but I know you’re looking in along with mom to see how things are going with the family. Really miss you brother, Happy Heavenly Birthday!

You were the most loyal person I’ve ever met. When you truly cared about someone, you did everything you could for them. You would have given the shirt off your back, the food out of your fridge, and anything else you could spare for those you cared about. You taught me to always stand behind those I care about. You taught me to be unapologetically me. You taught me to always go after my dreams, and supported me throughout.

Once again, happy birthday, old man. See you on the other side.